A Circle of Tears
Bonnie Kaplan

I was and will always be an 8th grade English teacher in my heart of hearts. Even though I’ve taught grades 7-12 and an array of electives for 30 years, I hope I’m remembered for my work with 14- year- olds. I loved the way that they bounced, like magical jumping beans, into my room each day and kept on bouncing with an honest spirit, spontaneous, authentic.

I was bouncing with them, into their writing, reading, and sharing as a community of learners and as we got closer to the spring and the annual Holocaust unit, I wanted their bouncing to take on an even deeper dimension.

The year that Schindler’s List came out I was on line on a cold Christmas day to see it and much to my frustration and pleasant surprise, I didn’t get in on my first try.  But I was persistent and did get a seat in another sold-out show the next afternoon.  I sat for 3 1/2 hours watching a movie in black and white and crying often.  Steven Spielberg moved up dramatically on my list of heroes.

When we returned to school after winter break, I shared my movie experience with my 8th graders and a number of them, deeply moved, came to me after class wondering and hoping that I would take them to see it.  I hesitated.  It was hard enough to sit through it the first time. As a Jew, I grew up with Holocaust family stories of loss and as I sat in that audience, listening to a chorus of whimpers and walked in the shoes of the dead.

But as a teacher, how could I say no to the very students that I loved.  I opened an informal invitation to their whole class and 12 kids met me for a Saturday matinee at the theater. As we sat waiting, Michael asked if it would be correct to get some popcorn. I didn’t feel much like eating, but left it up to him.  No one moved. No one moved for the next three and 1/2 hours, not even to go to the bathroom.

I watched them; they watched me.  We cried together and as the movie ended and we moved next door for coffee; no one eat anything, but we all needed this period of transition before parents arrived for pickup.

When we were back in class on Monday, my movie band began to share our experience with their peers and soon they were all urging me to begin the Holocaust unit earlier than I had originally planned for it. I was relieved that no one else asked me for another field trip to see Schindler’s List, but I’m sure that many in the group found their way to it without me.   My Schindler band filled our conversations with lots of empathetic connections and I promised them that I would show the film to future 8th graders when it was out on video.

The following year, I had my own copy and even though it would probably fill a week of class time I didn’t hesitate to build it into my unit plan and reserve the VCR from the library for an entire week. We had had no English department head for years and each of us did our own thing, especially with honors sections and who really cared about the 8th grade in an 8-12 building.

It was a challenge for me to watch it twice a day, but the responses from the kids were filled with the honesty I loved about them.  We ended the week, the unit, and moved to spring and to the final work of 8th grade.

Just before Memorial Day weekend. my principal stopped by to see me. He looked concerned. “Did you show Schindler’s List to your 8th graders recently?”
“Yes, about a month ago as part of our Holocaust unit. The kids were moved.”
“Did you have parents sign consent forms?”
“No,” I still didn’t know where this was going.
“Mrs. Roberts called about it.  Did you know that the movie has an R rating?”
“I would figure that.” Duh! I kept to myself.
“Bob come on, it’s the Holocaust, and Schindler’s List was Best Picture of the Year, Steven Spielberg Best Director, etc, etc.”
“I know, but why didn’t you let me know you were going to show it?  I don’t like surprises. (pause) You can’t show it again!”
“What?” Never? Bob, we both know this is not about an R rating.”  I was furious. I wanted to say more, but I knew better. I would wait.  I’m patient, sometimes.  Bob had nothing more to say.

It became our running joke.  Every year I would ask, every year Bob would say no, reminding me that I should have gone through the proper channels.
Finally, when it was out on TV, I did get the green light, and I did send out a parental consent form and Bob was prepared to support me when some parents objected. He created a community committee for controversial  materials.  I knew the committee members and they knew the parents who were fighting against it.  I spoke with passion and educational support and it was trying, but at least Bob had stopped blocking me at the door and was now pulling the strings he should have been pulling years before.

Now I was showing the film to three classes each day for the full week and my eyes were redder than ever. I watched my groups watching me.  They knew about the battle I had to fight to experience this film together and as the week ended, that last conversation with each group in a Socratic Seminar circle stiffened my resolve to love 8th graders forever.

As I walked to the library with the VCR, Bob met me at the door.
“I think you’d better let me return that for you.  Some of your students are in the nurse’s office.  You need to see what’s going on.”
“What? Sure.”

I ran to Pat’s office. The receptionist ushered me in.
Six of my kids, boys and girls, were standing together in a circle, hysterical.  Pat with her wide, flabby grandma arms had them all wrapped in an enormous hug. As I joined the circle, we cried together, passing around a box of tissues.
Pat smiled and gently whispered, “ These tears are good. We are crying tears of humanity.”

 I love creating titles.  They come to me just as the page appears and whatever comes to the front of my mind, is it!  So, for this post there’s lots to consider:

It’s amazing how far I’ve come since TM’06.

It’s amazing how far I’ve come since that first DS workshop in Baltimore 2001.

It’w amazing how far I’ve come since I became a Co-Director of the HVWP.

It’s amazing how far I’ve come since  I became a HVWP TC in 1999.

It’s amazing…

So where do I begin?  Not at the beginning…

  I was invited to present my ds workshop by Erica Charnowsky, a great TC, at her school district.  As a rule, we don’t accept these one shot, superintendent conference offers, but for Erica, at a fresh school for us, Croton on the Hudson, why not?  Right in my backyard.

I was scheduled for the session after lunch, one of ten tech sessions to choose from and I had 6 participants.  Was it worth it?  Why not.  A perfect day to travel, 6 very enthusiastic teachers and a bit of money for my time and travel and it was for Erica as well.

I have this tough issue, what should I show.  I have so many choices.  There was a time when all I had was the CDS tutorial, Momnotmom and then my first piece and Momnotmom and then Allison’s piece and…slowly…more and more…   I began with Martha’s NFA intro and then Lisbeth as usual, even though I considered using Helen’s but I thought is was thinner.  I don’t know.  Too much to chose from.  THey watched the pieces and then talked about what they noticed and we move through the DS elements. Then I showed Edgardo’s and we talked about it.  I think Helen’s would have been better, I don’t know.

Then their fork-in-the road writing began.  Followed by a revision piece and then with so few people we could great a story circle and that was great as they shared the second piece and talked about what changes they made.  They also shared how they use writing with their own students and most of them did write with their kids in ms and elementary classes. Then I moved them to work on a storyboard, to put the text under a photo spot and consider what this would look like in its digital form.  That was a challenge.  I liked putting it back in.

I showed them my poem and probably it would have been better to show them  one of the SUNY pieces I had pulled for this.  I think mine was too personal for a fresh group.

THe superintendent walked in at the end the group was so excited about sharing a piece, they pushed for a return to Lisbeth and she was moved.

I saw Erica before I left and that was good.  She is hoping that something might come from this.  It’s cool yes, or no.

I did share a bit about our ds collaboration and showed them what the software on the mac looks like but I need to start dealing with my pc and using Photo Story 3 for this section of the workshop.  It seems logical.

I just read through my SUNY DS evaluations with Tuvia.  Better than the first time I read them.  Nice.

Okay, another one under my belt! It’s time to get moving to my fancy software and Elyse’s piece.

I wanted  to write this post in the moment as we meet yesterday but all too often, my computer was unavailable to me, hooked up to the LCD projector awaiting a presentation.  I would have been better to unhook.  I didn’t have that necessary set up time before the meeting to get everything set up and checked before I had to present and my computer was just not working with me.  Ugh!  But I’ve learned to just keep going, no matter what.  People should not watch you set up as you waste your time and their’s and as it happens it was better to wait as present the work at the end of the day.  I love that feeling of watching as others watch my work.  I think that connection with a playwright in the back of the dark theater watching as a new audience watches is a good one.  I am so pumped!  What a feeling! I watch very critically.  Too much here, too abrupt there, too many photos… This is my medium and Tom is someone who knows me and is sensitive to my frustrations and successes.  Nice! And I figured out how to use that fancier LCD projector in the Tower room.  I am just more patient with myself when I take on a new situation.

The meeting itself was powerful.  I couldn’t take notes as each CD around the table reflected on positive things happening in their HVWP areas.  I enjoyed Mary’s perspective of the SI and the need for balance. I think we created an important bond from this shared experience in leadership, one that now is acuring  interest in the technology band  as we created the Tech Literacy Strand and community readings.  We might need a longer SI in the future, as people seemed to cry out for more air time within the day to write.  What has to give?  I like the idea of having TC’s visiting during the SI or given more time on the Returning Fellows luncheon. I like the idea of having the author of the PWG articles when we offer community readings.  Nice way to present the PWG.